Jared *naked*

Creative Saturday...paint a picture!

Happy Sunday, my lovelies!

Hope your weekend had been good so far. All the ones that have been affected by Sandy - I hope you stayed safe and got power and heating back. *hugs you*

ION: My Saturday had been great! One of my best friends, Sabine, talked me into going to a art class with her and another coworker (and friend) of us. You heard right, me in an art class...don´t hold back your laughter, I did laugh too! LOL Because, I´m the least artistic, creatively talented person on this planet. Seriously!
But, I went with because of the fun I was sure we´re gonna have. It´s more of spending a funfilled afternoon with friends than achieving something, even more so, since both Sabine and Hermine are extremely talented when it comes to art. Hermine is responsible for the activities of our residents in our workplace. Crafting, sewing, painting and what not..see, I knew I could never "compete" with them, but I also didn´t want to.
So, going there with expecting not too much besides a lot of fun, did work out perfectly!
The project had been, to create art on canvas, with colour, paper napkins and stuff to glue on the canvas. Sounds more complicated than it was...wanna see our results? But be aware, there are two really awesome pictures (Sabine and Hermine´s) and then there´s mine..*hides*

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What do you think? ;)

Buuut, this awesome day hadn´t been over after this class, nooo! Sabine and I decided spontaneously, to go see a movie. It turned out to be "Hotel Transylvania" and OMG! how funny is that movie, please? *rofl* Loved it!!
After the movie, we were hungry, so we went to some restaurant to grab dinner, followed by a "one for the road" at MacDonalds..hot chocolate!!!! *grin* Gosh, I felt so stuffed! *giggles*
All in all, it was a great day!!!

Lot´s of love,
Jensen *hug*

Amy has updated...

“It’s a long way and it’s come to claim her.”

I’ve been listening to that song for the past days now and yeah those two lines stuck to me about my situation. *deep sigh* I’ve been very scared for this moment, to actually talk about it. But I think it’s fair to a lot of people to know what has been the news the doctor’s gave me. So here we go.

To all my new followers and to every follower to be honest, read this if you don’t want to get into drama stuff. Seriously.

Well, it all felt a bit like déjà vu from a couple of months ago, right? The almost dying and surgery and yeah just all that. Karin has been amazing so I see and she has been to me too. I went into surgery and they managed to remove the tumor from my colon, which is really good work of the doctor’s, honestly they are the best. But it doesn’t take away the fact that I still have a very agressive form of cancer which tries to ‘eat’ his way through organs and tissue. I still have a lot of damaged tissue inside of me which is riskful to remove at this point. (You have no idea how long this even took to write and how long I waited to type the next thing. I just.. okay)

With all this knowledge, with all what the doctor’s know they have come to a conclusion which is based on tests and what they have seen in surgery and still with these kind of forms it’s still guessing work, but they try to be as accurate as they can in such cases.

I’m pretty much dying and I have at the least one year to live, but probably months. Chemo could slow down the progress, but that will only buy me one more month, maybe not even that. So, I’ve made the decision to not go with chemo and to spend my days hopefully as much out of the hospital as I can. I need to go to the hospital a lot for tests, to see how it progresses, to see if they can remove more with surgery to get me more comfortable, to help with meds etc.. But yeah one year at the most. 

I should change my life goals I think haha, maybe from wanting to make a world trip to make it to next month to see the movie “Lawless” with my babe Tom Hardy <333 and to Christmas when I get to see Anique hopefully again. And just yeah need to change things.

I should stop now because I’m crying rivers here and ugh everything hurts because of that. So yeah, it’s just harsh that with all the figthing I’ve been trying to do. Yeah wait, I should stop. No complaining seriously. Almost hopped on that train! Wow, sorry!

Thank you all so much for your love and support and messages, omg I’ve seen so many already and it’s really incredible how much of you all care and support ;___; I have now to be precise 394 messages, so I don’t think I will answer those, at least not everything, because wow, you guys! But I have an idea how to make up for it. Just know that I read every single one of them. That they are all appreciated and that I couldn’t be more grateful. I should stop I can’t see the screen anymore, it’s all blurred haha!

Just yeah, you made me feel so loved, but just know that you are all loved by me too!

Honey, if you decide for going on a world trip, remember to make a pit stop here in Austria. I´ll be right here waiting! <3

Jensen_teddy *cuddle?* MADE FOR ME!

Latest update about Amy..SHE´S AWAKE!!!

Hello again,

Amy has woken up. I still can’t believe it myself nor the doctors. She is however in a lot of pain though. I can see that it’s too much, but she’s stubborn and not letting anyone show. The part that I’ve been worried about is that she hasn’t been talking at all, not a word. The doctor’s think it’s because of the pain or of a deep emotional state she might be in. I don’t know, but it’s scaring the hell out of me. All she has been doing is holding my hand tight while crying silently.

I don’t know what to do other than pop in a tom hardy movie for her. I don’t know her favourite, but hopefully it will help her a bit. Anyway she is awake and we still need to hear the official status of her which will be tomorrow. It can’t be anything good, but we are hopefull nonetheless. She is holding on with what she has left.



That´s my girl! I know how the odds are, but there´s still hope. I only wished I could take away her pain - I´d do it within a heartbeat.

Tons of love,

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    hopeful hopeful
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Jensen alone

This feels like re-living last year´s events all over again..

...let´s hope, Amy continues to fight.

Hello, this is Karin again.

Amy is out of surgery and is now in a deep sleep state. She is not in a coma, but the next 24 hours are crucial. Her heart rate is very slow and can stop any time. Her body has endured a lot last night, which she shouldn’t have gone through in her state but has any way. They did succeed to remove the tumor and some more bad tissue, but fact remains that there is still so much left. If her breathing stops the machines will take it over, but they can’t do that forever. These next hours will be very hard for us because so much depends on it.

The good news is that she isn’t in a coma, she is breathing on her own. And she is young so her heart can pop up sooner than people who aren’t that young. That is all I can give you. I’m very sorry.



candle gif

Bad news about Amy...

I just came home from work, went online to check on Amy´s tumblr for some news, only to find a message from Karin...I had to read it three times until I managed to read the full text..God, it´s so horrible, I am shaking with fear for Amy´s life...

Hello everyone,

This is Karin speaking. I have some bad news, unfortunately Amy’s heart stopped and they are now taking her in for surgery. She wasn’t feeling very well all day, but nothing special, when suddenly she started sweating and couldn’t breathe properly. A few moments ago her heart stopped and she didn’t respond to CPR in any kind of form. When she didn’t wake up they brought her to the surgery room to prep her for an emergency surgery, which will probably lead to removing the tumor from her colon in order to at least have her come back.

It’s a very riskful surgery because she hasn’t been fully healed from the others and they don’t know how much her body can take. She’s been in there for just 10 minutes, so I have no news. I thought she would wanted me to tell you this, just like before, so here I am. However I don’t know if I can or want to be here if they come back with bad news. I hope you’ll understand, but I’ll see what I can do and what I’m up to at that time. For now we can only hope.

Thank you for reading and I’m sorry to bring such sad news.



I honestly don´t know what to write at the moment..I´m sorry..



Hello again,

The surgery is still going on, we don’t have any news yet. They’ve only come once to let us know that they got her heart rate back and put her into an induced coma. They are now working hard to remove the tumor and any bad tissue blocking her lungs.The only hope we have is that she will survive the surgery and that she might wake up again. They don’t say much, but we know the looks.

I’m going off the internet now, I’m very sorry, but I can’t stay on the internet for much longer. I will be back tomorrow morning with good or bad news. I’m sure that with any news I’ll get tonight that I’ll need some time. I won’t leave you hanging. Tomorrow morning, I promise.



Guess there´s nothing more we can do besides waiting until tomorrow. Amy, you are in my heart, always.

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Jensen *hug*

Update about Amy aka lotroth

It´s very difficult to get to informations about Amy´s status quo these days, since I have to rely on her posting on her own, which - of course - is a very exhausting thing to do for her, but nevertheless, she´s doing it. Awesome girl! *hugs Amy carefully*

So, here´s the summary:
(from her Tumblr)

From a week ago:
* "So, have been going through multiple tests and scans today and they found out that I have a rare and very agressive type of cancer, who attacks all organs and good tissue that comes in their way. Basically I’m dying and it’s going fast.

They don’t know how fast and how long I have, till after the surgery on Monday and after the big one for my tumor at my colon. Then come the possibilities of chemo and how that will help and medicines and all that crap. I’m like a bomb that can explode any minute, but they are pressuring it down with medicines and what more."

* "So, I’m up for my next surgery. It’s happening so fast, this all doesn’t feel real for some reason. Also, I’m still so sore from the previous one and to think that they will cut me open again, uughhh, I think I will cling to the closet with all the morphine after this. Hopefully another surgery I will wake up from."

And waking up, she did! *is in pure joy*

* " I survived yet another surgery, which was close to not surviving, but let’s not talk about that. I’ve been two days in a coma and after those days they wouldn’t let me on for my own good, I’m very sorry about that. My roommates came to see me yesterday, so that was nice. My dad can hopefully come this week. 

They removed bad tissue and in a few weeks they will try to remove the tumor on my colon, when I’m strong enough. It’s causing huge problems, so it has to be as fast as possible. I’m in a lot of pain and having the worst headaches which may be caused due to the morphine, so they are being careful with that."

I know it´s not looking all that good, but as long as there is a chance of her surviving, you´ll see me posting things like:
"Don´t ever stop fighting, Amy!"
I´m not giving up, miracles do happen and they happen to the bravest of us. And Amy definitely is a very brave one. I have no doubt about that.
She is without a doubt the bravest girl I´ve ever known. Not because she´s fearless, no, but because she´s afraid like hell and still keeps on fighting. That´s what I call bravery.

Honey, no matter what lies ahead, don´t ever doubt that it isn´t worth the fight. It always is. I love you.

Some wise words I found on the net..

“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.”
― C. JoyBell C.

“And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.”
― Paulo Coelho

Lots of love,
happy birthday cupcake


I know I missed a ton of birthdays lately and for that I am sorry, but I promise to be better, starting with today...*cross my heart*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO blackbetrayal!!

 A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO my_moonlight77!!

Tons of love,
Jensen *hug*

I´m a sick puppy..can I haz a hug?

Sorry for my dissappearence..once again. *sigh*

But since last Thursday I´m sick. It started with an ache in my ears and head, then in my throat. Went to the doc right away, since I already assumed it must´ve something to do with my tonsils. Well, yep..it was a beginning tonsilitis. Could prevent that, but I still have a nice, intense cold. Headache, coughing, aching throat - the whole programm. *sigh*
Had an important training on Friday that I couldn´t miss. I even went to work on Saturday (since I originally had to work from Saturday to Tuesday) but went home at lunchbreak. I was coughing so hard all the time, it wasn´t funny anymore..I head tears running down my face constantly without being able to stop them. So, I stayed at home yesterday, went to the doc today to confirm my sick leave. I stay at home - my next workday will be the 23rd of October! This is my first time EVER that I had to call in sick, and it´s a weird feeling. LOL
The last couple of days I mostly spent sleeping. Which is good, I think. ;)
But all that means I haven´t seen the latest SPN episode as well as the season premier of TVD. I hope I´ll be able to go to Manu´s place on Friday, to get back on track..I miss my boys!!!!

Yesterday I watched how Felix Baumgartner (http://www.forbes.com/sites/davidthier/2012/10/15/felix-baumgartners-jump-proves-the-power-of-publicity-stunts/) made his damn crazy jump from the outer space - holy shit! I honestly haven´t been a supporter of this project, because, hello? verrry dangerous, verrry expensive and utterly crazy! But I have to admit that Felix Baumgartner owns my deepest respect. Breaking 3 world records, flying faster than the speed of light and holy shit..having the nerves to jump out of this tiny little balloon-thingy!! I really feared for his life when he started to spin, but he got it under control..awesome, really! And he is a fellow Austrian!

I know I´ve been a bad friend - Amy, I read your update over at Tumblr...honey, even if you don´t read this, I want you to know I´m thinking of you! All my love from me to you! *hugs you carefully*

Hmm, that´s about it, I guess..so..tell me, what have I missed?