“It’s a long way and it’s come to claim her.”

I’ve been listening to that song for the past days now and yeah those two lines stuck to me about my situation. *deep sigh* I’ve been very scared for this moment, to actually talk about it. But I think it’s fair to a lot of people to know what has been the news the doctor’s gave me. So here we go.

To all my new followers and to every follower to be honest, read this if you don’t want to get into drama stuff. Seriously.

Well, it all felt a bit like déjà vu from a couple of months ago, right? The almost dying and surgery and yeah just all that. Karin has been amazing so I see and she has been to me too. I went into surgery and they managed to remove the tumor from my colon, which is really good work of the doctor’s, honestly they are the best. But it doesn’t take away the fact that I still have a very agressive form of cancer which tries to ‘eat’ his way through organs and tissue. I still have a lot of damaged tissue inside of me which is riskful to remove at this point. (You have no idea how long this even took to write and how long I waited to type the next thing. I just.. okay)

With all this knowledge, with all what the doctor’s know they have come to a conclusion which is based on tests and what they have seen in surgery and still with these kind of forms it’s still guessing work, but they try to be as accurate as they can in such cases.

I’m pretty much dying and I have at the least one year to live, but probably months. Chemo could slow down the progress, but that will only buy me one more month, maybe not even that. So, I’ve made the decision to not go with chemo and to spend my days hopefully as much out of the hospital as I can. I need to go to the hospital a lot for tests, to see how it progresses, to see if they can remove more with surgery to get me more comfortable, to help with meds etc.. But yeah one year at the most. 

I should change my life goals I think haha, maybe from wanting to make a world trip to make it to next month to see the movie “Lawless” with my babe Tom Hardy <333 and to Christmas when I get to see Anique hopefully again. And just yeah need to change things.

I should stop now because I’m crying rivers here and ugh everything hurts because of that. So yeah, it’s just harsh that with all the figthing I’ve been trying to do. Yeah wait, I should stop. No complaining seriously. Almost hopped on that train! Wow, sorry!

Thank you all so much for your love and support and messages, omg I’ve seen so many already and it’s really incredible how much of you all care and support ;___; I have now to be precise 394 messages, so I don’t think I will answer those, at least not everything, because wow, you guys! But I have an idea how to make up for it. Just know that I read every single one of them. That they are all appreciated and that I couldn’t be more grateful. I should stop I can’t see the screen anymore, it’s all blurred haha!